The Post About the Time I Had A Breakdown

I spent most of my life struggling with terrible anxiety and depression.

I've spoken in other posts about how this battle ultimately resulted in an autoimmune disease, which led to physical and emotional breakdown, which ultimately resulted in a breaking open and rebirth.

Everything I mention in the previous sentence happened in the last 4 years.

Also in the past 4 years, a global pandemic, a cross country move and the leaving behind of many friends and relationships, an end to my decades long broadcasting career and the sudden an untimely death of my brother.

Had the seemingly unfortunate autoimmune disease and subsequent breakdown not happened, the "breaking open" would not have happened, and I doubt I would have survived all that followed.

I'm not saying this to be dramatic. I'm saying it because it's the truth.

In hindsight, I can now see that the breakdown had to happen. There was no way I could have kept abusing my mind, body and spirit without consequence.

I also now see that the breakdown was one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

As my body was breaking down, so was my ego.

The strong beliefs that I had about myself, the world, and what was important were unravelling. As they were starting to disintegrate I was left, for the first time ever, with space.

Space to form new ideas, and beliefs. Space to find new likes and interests. Space to discover who I really was underneath all the conditioning and programming. Space, at long last to be introduced to the person I was born to be. Space to start to like that person.

There have been so many lessons so far in this journey, and I know I'm just at the beginning.

I think the biggest, broadest lesson has been, that there are always lessons. When we put aside the judgments and labels for our current experience, we are granted the space to stand back and see the lessons, and often times the grace to learn from them.