Can You Go Home Again?

I left my home in Los Angeles a little over 3 years ago under less than stellar conditions.

I was ill. My work life had become toxic, my social life had become toxic and my home had become toxic (literally, with mold).

If you asked me what my relationship status with LA was, up until this week I would have said, "it's complicated."

I went back to Southern California for the first time since the pandemic, and the second time since my move two years ago.

I didn't know what to expect. So much has changed, in Los Angeles, the world and in me.

I saw places that I had never seen before, and I saw places and things that I'd seen countless times before, and I saw them all in a whole new way. It felt like I was seeing them for the first time!

When you're not in a rush to get somewhere, even the infamous LA traffic can be enjoy-able, as you have more time to look around.

Perspective is everything.

The excruciatingly hot heat snap we had for a few days was somehow less unbearable.

I went places and saw people out of desire, not obligation.

I was seeing things through a fresh set of eyes, I felt, in a way, reborn.

And now I realize that I have been.

In 3 years, the loss of my health, career, loved one, home, friendships, sense of safety, belief in the government have all been taken.

At one point in my life all of this would have crushed me.

I now realize when things disappear we are left with space. Space to redesign our lives in the way that we want to, not in the way we think we should.

So yes, I am reborn.

Not only do I get a second chance to DO things differently, I have a chance to SEE things differently, and that changes everything that comes next.

In respect to all that came before, I am humbled, and hold it in a sacred place in my heart. However that was then, and this is now, and when you think about it, now is all we really ever have