Why Do We Feel Fatally Flawed and Unlovable?

If we are quiet long enough, and if we are honest with ourselves, we will notice a persis-tent, consistent, niggling feeling that there is something wrong with us.

We feel we are lacking, flawed, unworthy and unlovable.

It's always there--sometimes whispering, sometimes shouting.

It is a driving force in our lives and generally works undercover in the darkest depths of our subconscious.

Would it surprise you to know that we all have this feeling in the Western world?

We all on one level feel broken, flawed and like a fraud.

If this feeling is so prevalent, where does it come from?

It comes from the beginning, as all stories do!

We are born.

For the first and only time in our lives we are seen as complete.

We are beautiful and perfect, simply because we are.

We are also beautiful and perfect to others, because of all the things we are not.

We are not individuals and we do not have preferences, thoughts and opinions, there-fore, we can't be disagreeable.

We are an empty canvas, not yet imprinted on by the world around us, not ready to make a mark of our own.

We are loved, doted on and lauded over. We are seen as perfect, but what we really are is a projection of the hopes and dreams of the adults around us. We are pure potential.

This phase doesn't last very long.

Soon we grow, form our own identities, discover our own likes and dislikes.

This causes a disconnect. This causes conflict. As we become ourselves we can't be what others hoped we would be.

In our individuality, we are no longer seen as an extension of another. As we break away we don't resonate with those who held us in such high regard.

When our wants, hopes, fears and desires no longer reflect the qualities of those who idealized us, they unconsciously treat us as if there is something wrong with us.

We feel this judgement and we adopt it as our own.

We take others' fears, projections and rejections and incorporate them into our psyche.

When we cannot meet the unrealistic expectations of others we feel we are wrong.

This is simply not true. Until we realize this and actively choose to combat it, we will be driven by this voice of unworthiness, and we will let it run our lives. The real voice we should be listening to is the one that makes us who we are, not the voice that tells us our worthiness is dependent on the acceptance of others.