My Relationship Status With Facebook: It's Complicated

Social media, for me, at least, has been a blessing and a curse.

I've mentioned in other posts, that I moved to Florida suddenly 4 years ago, after leaving Los Angeles under not the greatest of circumstances. I was physically ill, which was taking a toll on my mental, emotional and spiritual health.

During my initial move, Facebook brought me comfort. It made me feel connected to the people and places and things that I had physically left behind.

A year and a half later, March of 2020 COVID struck and with it world-wide lockdowns, and pervasive fear and anxiety.

Once again, Facebook stepped up to the plate. People were sharing on a vulnerable level, like never before. There was a support system of, and for, strangers from around the globe. We were treated to little slices of beauty like people serenading each other from their balconies in big cities.

That moment in time was much too brief.

Much like with the hippies in the 60's, the human powers that be realized it is much harder to control people coming from a place of love, than it is to control those who are terrified.

And then began the initial slow but ever snowballing intentional campaign of instilling terror. Divisiveness, name calling and outright ugliness replaced the messages of unity and empowerment. We were being programmed in our very homes, and we were doing it voluntarily, addictively and self-righteously.

It's much more comfortable to feel angry, outraged and indignant than it is to feel fearful, out-of-control and vulnerable.

The problem is, while vulnerability can let in potential pain, it also lets in potential love.

And now, in 2022, ugliness has not left social media, and it has also entered our daily psyche. Make no mistake, much like a vampire, we invited it in.

Personally, I started becoming more mindful of my Facebook use. I carefully curated my friends list, and my news feed. I followed pages that made me feel good.

Time has passed very quickly. I can't believe that it has been four years since I made my cross-country move. It recently occurred to me that I have not yet formed a life here in my new home. Part of that can be attributed to a year and half of COVID, part the grief and mourning process that accompanied the sudden death of my brother, and part of the loss of a decades long broadcasting career and loss of the human connection that comes from working outside of the home.

The realization that FOUR years of my life have gone by in the blink of an eye and that my home doesn't really feel like home startled me. I realized, in part, that my false sense of connection to my old life, fostered by social media, was keeping me from moving forward in my new life.

Yes, it was great seeing old friends’ pets and lives and jobs. I enjoyed liking their posts, making a snarky comment here or there and wishing them a happy birthday. But was there a really "connection" with my 500 connections?

The answer, for the most part, is sadly no.

Not to be all doom and gloom, I will say the positive is that I became friendly with a few people I hadn't seen in decades. In some cases those friendships that were started on Facebook, carried and grew offline, with phone calls, FaceTime, text messages and even gifts.

For the most part, however, I realized that Facebook is, at least for now, holding me back. I willingly give it my time and energy. Both of these things are a valued commodity as we get older and growing shorter in supply.

And so, I decided to deactivate my personal Facebook account. I didn't delete it, I just paused it (maybe forever?) I made the conscious decision to be more conscious in my present, real world life.

The people who wish to keep in touch, reach out to see how I am, or are in need of support from me, know how to find me, as I them.

Lately interactions are fewer, and I imagine they will continue to grow even sparser. However, the interactions I DO have are more intentional and meaningful. Although most of these connections are separated by space and time, they are still very much real.

I now additionally have the time, energy and desire to find and cultivate relationships face-to-face, in person. I'm not going to lie, it's scary, especially if you are out of practice, like I am.

As I mentioned earlier, vulnerability lets in potential pain, it also can let in potential love.

I am working on taking that gamble