Why Do We Have Labels and Stories, and What's the Harm?

In my column last week I spoke, as I often do, about our addiction to labels.

I mentioned that many of the characteristics for someone who considers themselves an empath, are the same as someone who is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Why is it then that many more people identify as being an empath, than with having Borderline Personality Disorder?

The answer is in the question. The answer is the word "disorder."

Most people don't want to be associated with the word, because it implies that something is wrong, or, out of the natural order.

Being seen as empathic or empathetic has a much more palatable ring.

But why do we, as humans, rely so heavily on our labels and stories?

It all comes down to a sense of belonging.

We all, deep down, just want to be seen, heard, recognized and accepted.

We assign ourselves a label and have our label act as our "representative." We send it out ahead of us, announcing our arrival, while paving the way, as we try to find our people and place in the world.

We subconsciously use our labels as a sort of interpersonal navigation system, guiding us to the people we are most likely to feel a sense of belonging with, and vice-versa.

Once we step back and realize that we are not our story, it just goes to follow that we are also not our label.

The story explains what helped form us, but it is tiny slice of a hopefully ever expanding and evolving narrative. It shouldn't define us.

When we limit ourselves to the label or the story, we are focused on what happened in the past. We aren't putting our energy towards creating the future that we want.

We miss out on the potential of discovering new people, places and ideas that may not resonate with the former version of ourselves, but would be hugely transformative to the current version of "us" that wants to evolve.

You can question if this defense mechanism is more helpful or harmful, by being more mindful when you start to rely on or fall back on old story lines. From the perspective of mindfulness, you can then notice if you are choosing what feels comfortable over your personal growth and self-development.

Change is never comfortable, but it is the only way forward