Misunderstandings and Intent

We have so many more ways to communicate today. We also have so many more ways to be misunderstood.

While tone, nuance and sarcasm can be missed in writing, misunderstandings can also arise in every form of communication when our intent is misread.

A statement or question that might seem innocuous on our end, can be felt as hurtful, careless, judgmental, ill-timed or selfish by the receiver.

These situations, are always better handled by a calm response, rather than a knee jerk reaction. However we are mere mortals, and that is often easier said than done.

What responsibility does each party have in the communication process?

Again, I think it comes down to intent.

If we are misunderstood when communicating, but our intent was pure, it doesn't lessen the effect on the person who misconstrued the message. It also doesn't alleviate our frustration, and hurt over being misunderstood.

Ironically, the solution to the problem lies in the cause of the problem. Open, honest and direct communication, as soon as possible after the misunderstanding, allows both parties to be seen and heard and can often clear the air.

Doing this quickly, is key, as it doesn't give our egos time to ruminate over the situation and convince us that we are right. It also doesn't allow us time to get others involved, who will only hear our side of the story and may buoy our perception and may hinder a peaceful solution.

We also sometimes compound the hurt to someone with our words and actions. We do this by continuing a behavior that wasn't initially ill-intended, after it is pointed out to us that it is received as hurtful.

Sometimes we may do something that doesn't feel good to another person because we are anxious, distracted or irritated about something that doesn't concern them. However, the impact is still the same. Once the aggrieved explains this to us, if we continue the offensive behavior that started unintentionally, on some level it becomes intentional.

As with everything, ultimately it becomes a choice. It is our choice whether or not we work on this behavior with compassion for ourselves and the other person. It is also up to the other party to decide if they are comfortable staying in the situation while we do the work with good intent, although sometimes miss the mark.