Why Some People Have a Hard Time With Compassion

I saw a video on social media recently, of a woman having a psychotic break down on an airplane. It was sad, scary and disturbing.

What I found even scarier and more disturbing however, was the comments section...

There was mocking, belittling and name calling. There was obvious glee in the armchair bully camaraderie as one response led into another.

I commented as well, about the real mental health crisis we are facing not just as a country, but worldwide.

While most people felt empathy and agreed, some did not, and responded to my comment with disdain and even animosity.

One person told me that I should "stop normalizing bad behavior and shaming people for calling it out."

If this was a video of a "Karen" or an entitled person causing a fuss and demanding to see a manager, that is one thing.

This video was of a person clearly in some sort of mental distress. It was painful to watch.

I won't normalize people shaming people with mental health issues. It is wrong and hurtful and it doesn't help the problem at all.

So why is it that some people can't feel compassion or empathy for others?

I believe it is because they were never shown it, and can't even be compassionate towards themselves.

If our emotional needs were not met as a child (by well-meaning parents) we grow up believing there must be something intrinsically wrong with us. We then become very hard on ourselves, beat ourselves up and suffer from low self-esteem.

If we are constantly fighting an internal battle with ourselves and can't find the space for self-compassion, there is no room or energy for compassion towards others.

This is also very sad and is a mental health concern. I believe childhood emotional neglect, although many times unintentional, is the root cause of so many of our dysfunctional behaviors today.

You may have heard the expression, "charity begins at home." I also believe "kindness begins from within." Once we start easing up on ourselves and meeting ourselves where we are, with loving kindness, it becomes much easier to turn that kindness outward.