What is Shame? (Part 1)

Shame is an unseen rarely spoken about epidemic.

We as a society, are largely ashamed of our shame.

The only way to take things out of the dark, is to shine a light on them.

First - let's name shame.

According to Collins dictionary the definition of shame is "A painful feeling of having lost the respect of others because of the improper behavior, incompetence, etc. of oneself or of someone that one is close to or associated with."

It's important to note that shame is different than embarrassment. Embarrassment is temporary. Shame is something we carry with us at all times. It is always there, even when we are not actively aware of it, lurking beneath the surface.

Shame is wily. It works covertly and is responsible for the majority of our thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions.

Shame is also different than guilt. Guilt stems from the awareness of having done something wrong, it comes from one's actions.

Shame, on the other hand, is the painful feeling about how one appears to others, and feels towards themselves.

Brene Brown: guilt is what I DID...shame is who I am.

Professor, author and researcher, Brene Brown explains it beautifully, "Guilt is, I did something bad". While shame is, "I am bad."

In my column next week, we'll talk about where shame stems from, and how it shows up